• Pablo Lario

Mysterio, The Illusionist

*****

What did I just watch!? Could this be one of the best MCU movies ever starring our beloved and friendly neighborhood Spidey or is it just some CGI illusion created by Mysterio to try make us forget Thanos for just one second? Because... IT WORKED! (At least for me, OK!?)


ONE LAST THING: SPOILERS AHEAD! SO, IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED THE MOVIE, YOU'RE FREE TO STAY JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE! JUST HOP IN!



First things first: THAT WAS AWESOME! I know, I know... You're all probably Tobey Maguire Spider-man fans, or even Neil Patrick Harris ones (Not many know this, but if you search it up he voiced Spider-man in an animated TV series in 2003. THANK YOU, GOOGLE!), but, Tom Holland is the right man for the spider hero teenager. With that said, I'll go into the premise of the film and its consequent spoilers, of course.


Peter Parker a.k.a Spider-man (This is basic, if you didn't know... Oh, well) returns to the world, alongside a couple of heroes (not to say every single super hero, even Howard The Duck was there), after defeating our favorite galactic purple warlord Thanos thanks to the greatest hero of all time: Iron Man a.k.a Tony, I'll miss you Tony. TONY! Really: Who didn't cry when Tony f***s up Thanos' final phrase completely? (I'm inevitable.... And I am IRON MAN, MOTHER F*****!) (The little tribute at the beginning was hilarious!). With the armored hero gone, the "blip" effect is over (Don't even ask why they called it that cause I don't F****** know), and everyone who was vanished is back, after 5 catastrophic years, however, things are not that simple. Obviously, cities aren't gonna fix themselves overnight, dah... CGI?


The story focuses on the events post apocalyptic war between Thanos and his army of... WHAT ARE THOSE!? and the almighty Avengers (plus some added help. Help is always good, my young Padawan). AVENGERS, ASSEMBLE! With everyone back on earth, it's time to get back to normal... I guess if it wasn't for my younger brother being 5 years older than when I last saw him. That's exactly what happened: The "blip" people came back with the same appearance and age as when they vanished, while the rest, oh well... Just aged.


While everyone is trying to deal with their new lives, Peter decides to join his best friends: Ned, MJ, and the rest of his class on a European vacation, just to forget all the chaos Thanos caused in 6 beautiful hours (7 minutes more if you watched the re-release). Oh yeah! And probably to forget all the media pressure on him to be the next Iron Man. Or maybe it was the fact that Happy and Aunt May had a secret relationship with each other?


Yet, the truth is that Peter only wants to go to Europe for one specific reason: To make his master plan a success. What plan!? Here are the steps. Step 1: Go to Paris with MJ. Step 2: Go to the Eiffel Tower with MJ. Step 3: Give a nice necklace to MJ. Step 4: Declare his feelings to MJ. Step 5: DON'T DO THAT!


Before he leaves to Europe, having avoided the multiple calls of SHIELD's Colonel Nicholas Joseph Fury (Or just know as Nick Fury, right Nick?) to go an a secret mission or something (Just call Ethan Hunt, OK!?), Aunt May tells him to take his spider suit and use his "Peter-Ti... Puff, Peter-Ti... Puff, Peter-Tingle" if he's in danger. PETER-TINGLE! HA, HA, HA, HA! Of course. Because he's a teen, he doesn't listen to her and continues with his master plan in mind. But, if that wasn't funny and stupid enough, when he goes into the plane with the rest of his class, and two teachers, Peter gets stopped in the airport's luggage check, where the attendant takes a banana out of his bag rather than... SPIDER-MAN'S SUIT MAYBE!? (With love from Aunt May)


On the plane, Peter tries to get to MJ's seat with the help of his best friend Ned, just to get rid of the annoying a***** that is Brad Davis, a kid who has become some sort of super hot model after the "blip" (I want some of that "blip" effect on myself), but, in the end, Peter ends up with Mr Harrington, while MJ sits with that annoying sex symbol and Ned... With Betty Brand. They hate each other and somehow, when the class arrive to Venice... THEY'RE A COUPLE!? WELL, THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY! (Spoiler: It doesn't end well, they break up)


The vacation looks very good for Peter, until some giant aquatic monster attacks the town and a random man, a mixture between Iron Man and Doctor Strange, appears in scene to steal the show and save the day. That guy is clearly a mysteri(o). Peter tries to do what he can to help, but all very low key, chief. And then, out of nowhere, Nick Fury shows up at Peter's hotel to remind him that he was Iron Man's Chosen One; handpicked to inherit a global arsenal of omniscience. WHAT!? THAT'S AMAZING! The way Nick Fury decided to enter wasn't the best though; Fury enters the movie by shooting Ned in the throat. WHAT!? Don't worry; it’s only “a mild tranquilizer,” he says. Classic Nick!


Him and Peter head back to SHIELD's provisional base (Not enough budget), where Spidey meets the likes of Maria Hill, Mysterio (Nothing really important), and even Dimitri, the closest Russian name to Alexei from Stranger Things Season 3. Spoiler: You'll never be forgotten, Alexei! Peter finally meets the creep with the cape; the man with a crystal ball helmet just like Neil Armstrong when going to the Moon, the great hero: Mysterio. Nothing to do with the Mysterio fans know from the original comics. 'Far From Home' completely makes a paper ball out of the comic book character's history and throws it at the trash while yellin' KOBE! really loudly. Now, he’s a multiverse refugee from a destroyed Earth 827... 812... 823... F***! MUM! WHAT WAS THE NUMBER AGAIN!?


Quentin (Mysterio's real name) wants to help Nick Fury defeat the rampaging elemental monsters that are attacking our Earth, and that's why they call Peter: To help against these monster, duh! I just want to say something: During the film, Gyllenhaal gives a clever, careful performance, showing himself as a mentor figure for Peter, who's growing as a person and as a super hero; Beck is a shadow-Tony teaching tricky new lessons. He looks charismatic and kooky-cool in green-gold exo-armour, flying around with the jingly grace of a busted biplane.


The young boy refuses, asking if no other Avenger is available for the task, but... Thor is lost in space, Dr. Strange is not available anymore, Tony... Oh, well, and Captain Marvel is somewhere, doing what she does best: Not saving our Earth, her own planet! So, no Peter... YOU'RE SCREWED! Even if he leaves at the end, Fury doesn't accept "NO" as an answer, and that's why he secretly hijacks Peter's class trip to make sure Spidey does his Spidey duties. Next destination: PRAGUE!


On the way there, Peter almost kills the annoying Brad Davis with some drones... But, that's another story. When they finally arrive to Prague, it's when the story really begins. Yep! All those words from the beginning, where just an introduction compared to the whole secret plot happening in front of our eyes (Marvel fans would known. Sorry, DC!). Spidey gets into some action to defeat the final, but most powerful of all elementals: The fire type (Pikachu! I CHOOSE YOU!).


While trying to prevent harm to the city, MJ, and the rest of the class (Even Brad. Yes, that damn Brad), with the help of Nick, Peter gets everyone to go see a beautiful opera, which no one wants to go to. Everyone wants to go to the festival. Makes sense... There's a great scene between Tom (Peter) and Zendaya (MJ) at the opera, where she messes up with him big time, while he's awkwardly trying to flirt with her. They're obviously in love with each other. Just kiss already...


Anyways, Peter needs to go to do his mission of defeating the fire dude (Really cool CGI scene) with the help of Quentin. MJ, Ned and Betty end up into the whole chaos, but unharmed, thanks to the great ability of Mysterio and... SPIDER-MONKEY!? (Cheap European version knock off Spider-Man suit)


With the great fire elemental gone, and a broken hologram drone flying all broken towards MJ (Coincidence?), Peter and Beck go to celebrate the win. However, the teenager is still unsure of his role as the next Iron Man and decides to give his super powerful arsenal of drones, E.D.I.T.H, with classified information and more, to a random nice looking super hero (Mysterio) who he just meet two days ago and who he feels is the reincarnation of Tony. IT'S A TRAP! If you haven't been reading the comics, you probably won't notice anything, you noob, but for all Marvel fans, we had our eyes on that b**** from the moment he appeared on screen. It's kind of obvious that he was going to be the bad guy, right? Right?


But, the reason Mysterio had to be "the bad guy" is probably one of the stupidest I've ever heard in MCU history. Galactus? Eating planets to survive. Thanos? Snapping half of the Universe to regain balance. Mysterio? I HATE TONY STARK, SO I'M GONNA USE HIS ULTIMATE TECH (THAT I CREATED BTW) TO BE THE NUMBER '1' HERO OF ALL TIME! So, he didn't actually come from a parallel universe, he was just an actor? What a d***!. Bye bye to all my multiverse theories. S*ck my d***.


Obviously, Peter is not stupid (Erm... He just gave all those high tech drones away, I think he is), and he finally finds out (thanks to MJ, who finally finds out that he's Spider-Man, when he's trying, once again, to declare his love awkwardly). Beck is also not stupid and thanks to his film CGI crew discovers Peter knows his secret. Time to kill the kid! STUPID! HE'S THE HERO OF THIS MOVIE, BECK! He can't die. After an epic clash of illusions, CGI and a beautiful trip to a prison in... Some unpronounceable place in The Netherlands, Peter, with the help of Happy and Fury, goes to stop Beck plans' to become number the '1' hero. So, stupid... Let the guy be a hero if he wants to. WHAT!? He wants to kill Peter's friends and relatives? Oh, hell, no, mother f*****!


Final destination: LONDON! A fight with a s*** ton of CGI, and illusions, funny moments, and a little bit of "Peter-Tingle" to save the day. The superhero beats the bad guy, his CGI, and goes out with the girl he loves. Nailed it!


In general terms, Marvel has done it again. So, you can stay calm. The script of 'Spider-Man: Far From Home' was solid, so solid that the story worked like the pieces of a clock well set. You will laugh, you will get excited and you will be able to enjoy fight scenes with grandiloquent monsters without any shame in destroying centenary buildings. GODZILLA, WHO?


Happy ending then? Marvel Phase 4 doesn't end well for Peter as Beck, who "died" (Yes, apparently he died) made a video that made him look like the good guy and Spidey as the bad guy. He also exposed him completely, with the help of the mythical Daily Bugle J. Jonah Jameson, showing the world who he really is: PETER PARKER! WTF!?


Finally, one little spoiler from the final "very final" post credits (so, just run, in case you haven't seen it and don't wanna read it): THE SKRULLS ARE COMING!

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