• Pablo Lario

Transfer Round-Up: Bale To China?

Welcome back one more week to 'Transfer Round-Up', where we'll "round-up" the best signings and rumors this week in the summer transfer window. From the likes of Manchester City paying the release clause of Rodri, also known as "The Fucking Master of The Universe", to De Ligt, Neymar and Griezmann finally deciding where they'll play next season.



10. What's Up, Mou?


What a great way to start, right? (Sarcasm everywhere. I'm not a fan, ok)


Jose Mourinho, our favorite and most beloved Portuguese manager "without a job", has appeared again in all sport papers around the world. What happened? He signed for a new club? Nah, fam... He rejected it? WHAT!? Probably the offer was low... WHAT!? £89 MILLION!? HOLY S***!


That's right! Mou has turned down an eye-watering £89.6 million (€100 million) offer to manage Chinese Super League giants Guangzhou Evergrande, as the Portuguese man, one of the best managers "without a job" in the world, still wants to coach at the top level of the game. Makes sense... I guess?


The former Manchester United, Chelsea and Real Madrid coach was offered a 3-year deal worth £26.9 million annually with another £9 million in bonuses. But, in the end, Mourinho decided it was not the right move for him as he believes he still has much to offer at the top European football level. So, for now, he's willing to bide his time until the right job comes up. Will he get one soon? (At least, he's having a good time watching Netflix and chilling, am I right?)


9. Free Agents Everywhere? Should James Be Worried?


What James Bond is in danger? Nah, man! Just joking, fam!


Some of the world's top players are heading into the final year of their deals, meaning they could leave at the end of the season: Juan Mata, Balotelli, Frank Ribery, Andy Carroll, Yacine Brahimi... Doesn't sound that good, right?


After last week, when Rabiot and Godin signed for Juventus and Inter respectively, after finishing their contracts with their former clubs, Juventus has signed Gianluigi Buffon, 38 years later after his first. On the other side, Manchester United's Herrera and Porto's Herrera have joined PSG and Atletico Madrid respectively. Meanwhile, there are many names that are still out there: Max Kruse, James Milner, Filipe Luis, Dani Alves or... Danny Welbeck?


8. I Know It's Late But... Felix Is In Madrid, B*****! (I'm here too. Who said that?)


HOLY MOTHER F***** JESUS! HE'S HERE! GET EVERYONE READY... What? He arrived last week? That's why this a transfer round-up... DAAAHHH!


Atletico Madrid announced via a video the signing of Joao Felix, the Portuguese star, for which they payed £124 million to Benfica. BLOOD OF JESUS! The 19 year old striker, who arrives at Wanda to fill the gap left by Griezmann, signed a contract for 7 seasons. In the 43 games he played last season he scored 20 goals and dealt 11 assists. Not bad...


Felix inherits the number 7 (Griezmann? Ouchhh...) and becomes, just like that, the most expensive signing in the Madrid club's history. He's not the only striker that arrived in Madrid last week, however; Spanish forward Alvaro Morata has made his Atletico move permanent; the club decided to sign him after his successful loan spell from Chelsea. HELL YEAH! MISSRATA IS BACK!


7. What's Weirder Than Theo Hernandez Going To AC Milan? Hold My Beer...


Where should I start? Erm... With Theo I guess?


Yep; Serie A side AC Milan have now signed Real Madrid left-back Theo Hernandez and he is the club's first summer signing. Promising, isn't it? The Frenchman arrives on an initial loan deal worth £1.5 million but Milan has the obligation to buy the player on a permanent basis for £16 million once the loan expires. Dirty move, Real.


But he's not the weirdest move we've seen all week. If you thought Buffon going back to Juventus, Ayoze Perez signing for Leicester or Marko Arnautovic going to China was weird, this transfer will send electric shocks through your body.


Who am I talking about? Non other than super legendary Schalke 04 goalkeeper Ralf Fährmann, who recently signed for Norwich. NORWICH!? REALLY!? IS SCHALKE THAT BAD... They almost got relegated? Ok, makes sense then.


Norwich City signed Wreck-It Ralf on a season-long loan from the German club. The 30-year-old, who has made 196 appearances in the Bundesliga, is the newly-promoted Premier League club's 4th signing of the summer. I wonder who are the rest...


6. PSG Signs 19 Year Old Ajax Dutch Defender... Is It De Ligt? No, It's Bakker, sir.

I Asked for De Ligt, You Idiot!


Oh well... Mitchel Bakker has committed to PSG for the next 4 seasons (until June 2023), as announced by the Parisian club on Sunday. The new signing is a Dutch defender, he is 19 years old and comes from Ajax. Ha, ha! Probably, Ajax swapped De Ligt with some random guy last minute. Nice one!


Bakker, who is beeing represented by Mino Raiola (What? Clearly, this is more than just a coincidence. Seriously!), has played in 13 UEFA Youth League games with Ajax and he's also an U-19 Dutch international. So, clearly, a promising signing but not the one PSG fans were hoping for. Sorry guys!


5. An Imminent Pog-Boom?


It looks like Real Madrid is serious about Man Utd's Paul Pogba's, as they have placeda bid of £118 million euros for the French play-maker. Mino Raiola's statements have also made it clear that the player has already made his move, waiting for Real Madrid and Manchester United to break the ice in the negotiations.


According to many rumors, Zidane would have asked for his compatriot to confirm his desire to sign for Real Madrid publicly, or even make an official transfer request if necessary. The Frenchman will meet with his current club this week to try to unblock the operation, with the intention that this meeting be the final one, before his dream comes true. Pogba and Raiola know that it won't be easy to convince the Red Devils, but from Real Madrid, they want to avoid a new "fax case" at all costs before the transfer window ends.


Everything indicates that the transfer will be completed sooner rather than later. So, breathe, guys... BREATHE!


The fee would have to be around £133 million euros plus some money or a player, just to make the signing of the Frenchman easier. For now, it's all doubts and rumors, so, in the meantime, Pogba will need to stay in Manchester for a little bit, staring at that beautiful Real Madrid t-shirt he bought at a Chinese 24/7 shop in Manchester.


4. Gareth To China!? What Else Do We Need To Do To Get Rid of Him!?


For very long time, Gareth Bale's future has been doubted and once again, it seems the Welsh man's future may really be far from Real Madrid. Zinedine Zidane doesn't seem to count with him for next season, whether he'll leave or not, however, is a very different story.


According to Spanish media, Bale would have received a multi million-dollar offer to head to... Manchester United? Tottenham? PSG? Nop. He's heading to the best league in the world: The Chinese Super League! The team who has made the offer has not been revealed, the offer Bale has on the table, however, is something hard to turn down.


They would double his salary and more, from £15 million pounds to around £34 million, but... They're not planning to pay Real a penny? WHAT!? As is evident, Real Madrid won't accept this, as was the case a couple weeks ago with captain Sergio Ramos. For Real, meh, but for Bale it sounds awesome though.


3. Rodri, The Fresh Prince of Man-City


"Now this is a story all about how

My life got flipped turned upside down

And I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there

I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Manchester"


Hey! The Prince Is Here!


Last week, Rodrigo Hernández, also known as Rodri, became a new Man City player, after leaving Atlético de Madrid for £63.8 million, the exact value of his release clause. The Spanish midfielder signs for the next 5 years, until 2024.


The footballer, who will wear the number '16' shirt for the team, played one lonely season at Wanda, after arriving from Villarreal for £18 million plus 3 in variables. The 23 year old now looks ready for his new team, and waits to start training with Pep soon, who sees in Rodri a young "Sergio Busquets". This was the last piece of the puzzle for the Citizens, who look unstoppable, on paper, come next season. Now, the legend begins:


"And I yelled to the cabbie "Yo homes, smell ya later"

Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there

To sit on my throne as the Prince of Man-City"


2. Neymar & Griezmann Starring In... ESCAPE ISLAND!?


What!? Neymar and Griezmann are not going to their first training sessions? PSG and Atletico are going to take measures? Are they connected somehow or no more than a beautiful coincidence? The answer? FC Barcelona! (Finally! Finally they are doing something!)


On the one side, Atlético Madrid has opened disciplinary proceedings against Antoine Griezmann that could result in a fine after the French forward failed to turn up for the first pre-season training session.


Griezmann is awaiting on his move to Barcelona, while the battle between the clubs and the player is growing increasingly bitter. It seems like this week the French man will complete his transfer to the Camp Nou as soon as Barcelona activate his formal buyout clause by depositing £118 million at La Liga’s headquarters (48 to 72 hours max).


On the other side, Barcelona is also pushing to make one of the transfers of the summer, and the comeback of one of the biggest diving stars of world's football panorama: Neymar Jr.


The PSG star was called back to training on Monday afternoon, the Brazilian, however, finally decided not to show up, as he's trying to force his way out of France and back to Spain. The Parisian club launched an official statement that says they will take measures against the player. Neymar is not the first PSG player who has rebeled in order to land in Barcelona. Rabiot already tried it in the winter market and not only did he not get Al-Khelaïfi to agree to negotiate, but he ended up in the stands and separated from the team. Is that what the future holds for Neymar and Griezmann? Or will they escape and get to the "happy" promised land?


1. What's Up, Matthijs? It's Me, Vito... I mean Sarri


UNBELIEVABLE! When we all thought De Ligt wasn't sure were his future might lie, now, according to Sky Sport, it seems like Juve boss and famous compulsive smoker, Maurizio Sarri, has spoken to the Ajax star defender. PSG, Barcelona and Man United (Ha, ha, funny one) are all interested in him, but it is Juve who are in pole position as they reportedly agreed to terms with the young defender. Talks between Juve and Ajax are ongoing....


So, stay tuned!

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