• Tibor Kljajic

What's All The Rage With Nicolas Cage #2



Welcome back to the most forsaken list on the planet. 2019 is starting to take its toll on me as I incessantly watch the forty Nic Cage films I ordered from eBay. Of the 20 Nic Cage films I've watched this year, 16 were watched this month of July alone, and the month isn't even finished. Some of what I write at the bottom varies considerably in length coz some films just aren't worth going into and I simply recommend everyone watches these films so I don't like to give them away. Plus, if I went into each film as in depth as I went into 211 in the previous instalment, this article would be far too long. Well, enjoy the next What's All The Rage With Nicolas Cage, I'll see you in the finale hopefully next year, 2021 the absolute latest.


#10 Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2011)-1/5

Johnny Blaze (Cage) must protect Danny, the son of the Devil, to save the world from destruction.

This is one of the most inept and aggravating pieces of shit I've ever seen. It's almost offensive in how bad it is. Idris Elba sucks, unfortunately. But I'll excuse him becasue he's a national treasure and he looks like he's genuinely having a good time. The rest of the cast cannot be excused. I love Nicolas Cage, but he is dismally abysmal here. I hate child actors, and the kid playing Danny is just terrible. The guy who played the devil is alright, but he can't hold a candle to the guy who played the Devil in the first film. Speaking of...


Everything established in the first film is completely disregarded. The way the deal was made, why the deal was made, Blaze's powers, everything. The ghost rider is basically a god, he can move his whip and evaporate everything in his midst. Excuse me, but what the fuck?! The Ghost Rider looks terrible in this film compared to the previous one. At least the previous one was intimidating. The Rider in the first film had good powers and the Penance Stare. Here, he just whips his killing chain and holds people for a few seconds in the air.

It's b o r i n g. There are three Ghost Rider scenes. Three. And they all pretty much suck. The plot is stupid, the script is horrific, the comedy is painful. What genre is this film trying to achieve? Some parts are clearly trying to be horror with the sound design and the visual effects. But sometimes it tries to be a comedy in the most ham-fisted manner. Neither genre lands so you're just left with a big pile of shit.


The only redeeming factor is the use of one the Ghost Rider's powers. He can turn any vehicle into his riding whatever. He sits in a crane of some sorts and the crane lights on fire as well as a truck at the end. That was pretty cool. But it is certainly not worth going through a film focused on characters I don't know and don't care about, with a culmination of a ritual that I have no clue about, for that one positive. Fuck this film.


#9 Trespass (2011)-1.5/5

Kyle Miller (Cage) tries to negotiate himself out of a home invasion that sees the thieves intent on stealing his diamonds.

This is film is just bad. It's stupid and filled with some purely trash performances. Nicolas Cage is just awful in this. Like Jesus, this is one of his worst acting bits. Nicole Kidman is just confusing in this. I know she's a great actress, but I can't tell whether she's doing a good job here. I wanna say it's terrible but I'm torn. The girl who played Avery (the daughter) was horrific to start but picked up a little steam by the end.


The story is just retarded. The thieves have some elaborate backstory and one of the thieves just happens to be in love with Nicole Kidman and so makes sure she isn't hurt. He then triesto run away with her at the end while the fucking house is on fire and Cage is lying on the ground with multiple bullet holes in him. Like Jesus, what is even going on. The characters were garbage, the editing was bad, and the " t w i s t s " were simply poor. Just an atrocious film to be honest.


#8 The Runner (2015)-2.5/5

In the aftermath of the BP oil spill, an idealistic but imperfect New Orleans politician (Cage) finds his plans of restoration unraveling as his own life becomes contaminated with corruption, scandal and deceit.

This is just boring. I tried to give this film credit, but I couldn't coz I was just so bored out of my mind. Nic Cage is doing some decent acting here, I'll give him props, but I just didn't care what was going on. With The Big Short and Lord of War (the latter being a different Nic Cage film), they managed to take boring or confusing subjects (the stock market and arms dealing) and were able to make enjoyable films out of it. This film doesn't do that. It's slow, with people doing stupid things. Nic Cage is exposed for having an affair and proceeds to sleep with a prostitute and bang his consultant. Like, what the fuck? You can't regret your affair and then go back to being a cheater. Sarah Paulson is pretty good. the acting on the whole was good, and I liked her chemistry with Nic Cage. Other than that, I just didn't care. To give the film credit, I kept fluctuating between giving it two and a half stars or three, but I think I made the right choice.


#7 Never on Tuesday (1989)-3/5

Matt and Eddie crash into beautiful Tuesday on their way to California to have rampant sex.

Nic Cage is only in this for twenty-nine seconds. But he's in it, so it's a Nic Cage movie, fuck you.


Regardless, this film is alright. Sometimes it's just flat-out boring with some pretty homophobic/misogynistic tones. Other times it's really heart-felt and genuine. The acting never feels forced. It never feels like a bunch of actors reciting lines, which is appreciated. It was impressive to see how they would do such lengthy bits of dialogue and action in one take. The editing is minimal because the actors don't falter that often. Then again, despite its short run-time it still feels stretched out. I liked the characters and their interactions. The dream sequences were really weird and I didn't like how they were used so late into the film as it only seemed to indicate that the guys were still fixated on Tuesday and wanting to have sex with her.


I dunno, I kept fluctuating my verdict on the film throughout my watch, but I think three stars is alright.


#6 Ghost Rider (2007)-3/5

Johnny Blaze (Cage) sells his soul to Mephistopheles to save his father, resulting in him becoming the Ghost Rider

You wanna know why Johnny Blaze, in the real world, would have given up his powers at the end of the film in a heartbeat? Because Eva Mendes is so goddamn stunning. I mean, bless her she was trying in this movie, but she was acting so poorly. But oh well, this film came out in a time when women dressed revealingly was the norm so we can all appreciate something at least, coz we're certainly not appreciating the film. The film is fine. It's cheesy and corny and it's pretty bad at times, but it's fine. Nicolas Cage plays a good Ghost Rider and the effects for its time aren't half bad. But the performances of the other people, the story, and the pace, it's just draining. I dunno, this is a weird film, but so much could be improved. And that improvement could definitely come from a remake. Make a Ghost Rider film now, cast Keanu Reeves, make it rated R, throw as much goddamn money on it, get the guy who made Logan, and revel at your masterpiece. While I can appreciate Nic Cage's effort, Reeves would be perfect and having it rated R would make it the greatest goddamn film in existence. Just a thought.


#5 The Sorcerer's Apprentice (2010)-3.5/5

Balthazar Blake (Cage) trains Dave Stutler (Jay Baruchel) to become Merlin's successor and defeat Morgana.

This is a pretty fun movie. Nic Cage is enjoyable and not over-used to the point that he could have become unbearable in a film like this. The guy who plays Dave is super fun and quite a cool choice for this film. Alfred Molina is super into his role which is exciting to see. To be honest, everyone did a pretty great job and regardless of this being a silly kid's film, it still has a good heart and is pretty damn enjoyable. Not much else to say, it's a Disney film, what do you expect?


#4 Con Air (1997)-3.5/5

Cameron Poe (Cage), a parolee, is stuck on a plane where the country's most dangerous criminals have taken over.

This is the most wasteful film ever, but my god it is enjoyable. I say wasteful, not in terms of plot, characters, or action, it has plenty of that and all are great. I mean in terms of money. This film had a budget of $75 million. I wouldn't be surprised if the majority of that was spent in the last scene. Holy shit, I have not seen so much stuff be destroyed in the end of a film ever, it seems like they destroyed the entirety of Las Vegas to get the final scene. Regardless, this is a good film with a good story. Nic Cage's accent sucks ass but otherwise he is pretty good and everyone is given a three-dimensional character which is difficult in films such as this. Overall, pretty damn good.


#3 Adaptation. (2002)-4/5

A love-lorn script writer grows increasingly desperate in his quest to adapt the book ‘The Orchid Thief’.

This is some weird-ass film. It's great to say the least and it's very interesting, but bloody hell it's weird. The layers in storytelling made everything confusing but not too confusing, which is commendable. The performances were pretty good, but Nicolas Cage was the greatest. He's not full Cage here, which is actually great. It shows he isn't someone who has one act, he can *cough* adapt (see what I did there, I'm a god). The fact that he's playing two characters and that both of which are so dramatically different to Cage's normal insanity is incredible. It's a shame he didn't get an Oscar for his role, but I've never seen The Pianist so maybe Adrien Brody deserved it more, but I thought Cage was exceptional here.


#2 Joe (2013)-4.5/5

The rough-hewn boss of a lumber crew courts trouble when he steps in to protect the youngest member of his team from an abusive father.

This film has no plot, to be honest. Well, to me it doesn't. Joe doesn't change as a character, nobody does. To me, it's just a week in the life of Texas, with these specific characters happening to be part of this chaos. And that's what makes this great. The problem I've had with the bad films Nic Cage is in, is that the film is too centred on the film. Meaning that the entire run-time is just exposition and information. So when a film just lets shit happen, it's brilliant. That's one of the many many reasons Mandy is great, it's a build-up of character and development of personalities. This film is relaxed amidst the anger of he character Joe. Nicolas Cage is incredible here. In his bad films, he doesn't really seem to change his character. Here, he is properly acting because he is playing an actual character. It secures it even further that the character is one specified by anger, it only shows how Cage managed to distinguish this role because when he wants to, he can. I would also like to appreciate the fact that Nic Cage is in amazing shape here, it was quite a shock but very impressive. Tye Sheridan was great. His acting was on point especially for someone his age which was really commendable. The guy who played Wade (Tye Sheridan's character's father) naturally did a good job because I hate his character so he must have done something right. The script was awesome and fluid. The subplot with Connie was sweet and unforced. This film was just well-made and self-aware. The major setback that I have isn't even the fault of the film. I was born in the United Kingdom, so I have a British accent. Texan accents for the British is like Irish accents for Americans. If I watched Snatch, I could understand everything Brad Pitt was saying. I could barely understand half of this film and it pissed me off there were no subtitles. Regardless, I still liked this film and Nic Cage truly does give a stellar performance. I debated whether to put this below Adaptation., but I liked this film more regardless of Nic Cage being better in Adaptation.. This is my list, sue me.


#1 Mom and Dad (2017)-4.5/5

In a suburban area, parents suddenly feel the urge to murder their children.

This film is genuinely amazing. I've seen bad reviews for it and people clowning it on YouTube and stuff, but this is honestly incredible. Almost every technical aspect of this film is, in my opinion, perfect. The direction by Brian Taylor is stupendous. The way he gets these genuine performances from these actors is incredible. The editing was out of this world. The flashbacks to past moments in this family's life was hilarious but a brilliant way to add exposition while also providing a seamless and likewise funny transition back to the murderous present.The performances were exceptional. Selma Blair and Anne Winters especially were brilliant. I typically dislike child actors but Zackary Arthur (and all the other young actors) was genuinely great and very convincing. Nicolas Cage is perfect as usual, and here his full Nic Cage mode is used to its full and satisfying potential. The performances of these actors allowed this relationship of them as a family to seem so believable and therefore made the murdering part that much more horrifying. The sound editing was surprisingly excellent. I don't normally pick up on minor things like that, but the sound editing along with the camera work made the violence so much more visceral and painful to watch. When Damon (Carly's boyfriend) is being attacked (essentially throughout the whole film), it looks like it goddamn hurts. The script though, was masterful. Brian Taylor isn't an idiot. When children are speaking, it sounds like children speaking. When teenagers are speaking, it sounds like teenagers speaking. When adults are speaking, guess what, it sounds like adults speaking. Everything seemed so real which makes the story that much more frightening. The story, finally, is amazing. It's a tale of two washed-up parents who expected more than their mundane existences and are venting their pent up anger on their children (virus or not). My mouth was agape the whole time when watching this film and I consider it to be one of Nicolas Cage's best and one of the best made films (technically speaking) in a long time. I really liked the World War Z aspect of this film. The scene where the parents are raiding the school and especially when they run past the cowering Carly and Riley is extremely reminiscent of World War Z which is awesome. The film is even reference by Riley which is a cool nod. I would have liked, however, if there was an 18 rated version of this film. While this movie is already great, more blood and gore would really solidify even further the atrocity of what's going on. Dunno, just a thought.

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And so wraps the second edition of What's All The Rage With Nicolas Cage. The films are steadily getting worse and I'm starting to grow tired of Nicolas Cage's acting techniques when he's in a bad movie. When he's in a good film, I love it, but so far there are more bad/mediocre films by him than good. Oh well, onwards we go.


Ranked:

20. 211

19. Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance

18. Between Worlds

17. Trespass

16. Tokarev (or Rage)

15. The Runner

14. Never on Tuesday

13. Ghost Rider

12. Stolen

11. The Sorcerer's Apprentice

10. Con Air

9. National Treasure: Book of Secrets

8. Moonstruck

7. Lord of War

6. National Treasure

5. Adaptation.

4. Joe

3. Leaving Las Vegas

2. Mom and Dad

1. Mandy

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